II.A.12: Par fotiek, telefonat s Hankou, pribeh ineho otca...

FROM: "Juraj Kizak" | Save Address
DATE: Sat, 2 Aug 2003 23:20:08 +0200
TO:
SUBJECT: II.12: Par fotiek, telefonat s Hankou, pribeh ineho otca...



Alienated Children Kizak's International Email Newsletter # II.12
Mezinarodni emailovy buletin Zavrzenych deti Kizakovych # c. II.12


Dnes zacnem trochou minulosti, lebo tej sucasnosti som tak plny, ze si od nej musim oddychnut, bohuzial, meni sa kazdou chvilou ako na hupacke… Prave je nasa hupacka “dole”, Hanka robi vsetko preto zase, aby som deti uz nevidel ani tu, ani v Dallase, kde sa chystam, pokial som to este nestihol povedat v tom zhone, tak si odchod posunula aspon na desiteho augusta…

Tak spat k mojmu prvemu pobytu v ABQ. Prikladam jednu fotku, ktoru som urobil, ked sme boli s demti na bicykloch na nabrezi Rio Grande… Ako vidite, deti su od chrb5ta. To uz mi povedali, ze ich nemozem fotit… Tak som ich fotil tajne aspon, aby som mal nejake spominekove fotografie, ako to vsetko bolo. Paul isiel na bicykli za mnou, videl to, chapal, preco to robim, nebranil tomu, “nebomzoval” detom…

Druha fotka je z mojimi milymi ludmi Stephanie a Mikem, manazarmi z hostelu, v lobby hostelu. Tiez niekedy v zime pri mojom prvom pobyte tam. Ten sediaci muz je majitel hostelu. Ma este jeden hostel uprostred “middle of nowhere”, kde ludia chodia relaxovat, kde je len pust, kopec – a ten hostel. Tam som nebol.

A konecne, ta tretia fotka je uz z mojho pobytu teraz. Je to v parku za hostelom, kde sa odohravali nase prve 3-4 stretnutia s demti, ked om detom pripravoval vzdy ten “piknik” Priniesol hracky, stolovy hokej, brusle,…

Stale to mam, aj ked parkrat sme na tom pikniku ten hokej hrali spolu chvilu, brani sa vsak ho si zobrat, aj ked vidim, ze sa mu paci… Komu by sa nepacil, nepoznam chlapca, co by si taketo nieco nevzal a nehraval to, ja som to hraval so svojimi bratrncami este ako dospeli…

Nina si tie brusle – povodne pre Adama – tiez nechce ani otvorit, vybrat z bailu, proste je to tak. Znamky zavrhnutia. Boli sme pri poslednom nasom stretnuti znova na inline skating – a Nina ma stare Adamove brusle z minuleho roku… Su to tzv. “aggressive skates”, teda nie na normalne bruslenie. Ine normalne nema… Kazda amtka by si ich vzala, hanka nie. Hanka si nepraje ani, aby mali proste neico od mna – a na druhejs trane chce len peniaze, peniaze, peniaze… Cez to vsetko si tieto nechce Nina zobrat, a Hanka nevidi, ze by jej boli dobre, ze by sa je hodili, keby si ich vzala. Nechce vidiet. Ach jo! Snazim sa, aby si deti vsetky tie darceky vzali, aby im ich Hanka prevzala, zatial sa nedari… Aj ked znova prekvapujuco, ked nasi pravncii sa rozpravali, tak ze vraj to nebude problem… Hovori Martinez [ten co nevie, ze sa ceskoslovensko uz rozdelilo..], ale “skutek stale uteK’, ako vo vsetkom – bohuzial – zo starny hanky do dnesneho dna… Slova, slova, slova – a nase deti trpia nezmierenym sposobom, nic sa nemeni, to je moja hlavna zprava dnes, je sobota, cele doobeda som zase pisal ohledom deti v texase, nemam sil na dalsie pisanie zatial, pretoze to boli, co sa deje tu. Aj ked I tie pekne chvilky spolu s demti sme zazili – vyhlad stale hovori – sudy, sudy, sudy – lebo inac deti neuvidim, nepozujem… Nie prilis optimisticke, ze? Mimo to sa spolieham uz len na modlenie. Modlim s apred stretnutim s demti – aj po. Vecer. rano. Verim, ze jedneho dna sa to zmeni, nieco sa stane…

Zacal som tiez pisat tiez anglicku verziu bulletinu, niektori z vas ju dostali, kto nie, a chcel by ju tiez dostavat, nech povie, pridam vas na mailing list - pretoze ma kontaktuje tolko ludi z celeho sveta so svojimi pribehmi, radami, skusenostami, z o siete PAS rodicov, ze im nestiham vsetkym odpovedat. Tiez som v kontakte uz z niekolkumi organizaciamiv dalalse, vsetky su optimiskticke, ze v Texase su tie pravne pomery lepsie, a ze sa sem-tam podari, aby obidivaja rodicia na tom boli rovnako… nechcem byt prilis optimisticky, po tolkych sklamamniach – ale som. Jedne otec podobny ako ja, napisal, ze si zvykol – a pocita, ze ma jeden uspech na 4 neuspechy, co sa tyka pravnych veci… tak to som na tom este dobre – a v norme… To bol tzv. “smiech cez slzy”, ci “vtip cez slzy”. Tiempribehy inych vam tiez poslem, ale ani na to nejak nemam cas, ale viete co, jeden vam prilozim hned nizsie, je dlhy, ale stoji za to. ked vymenite len meno tej zeny, co to urobila – tka mate v skratke pdobny pribeh, ako ten moj… predstavte si, stry rodic, 81 rocny, prisiel na Slovensko, kde ta zena uniesla deti z ameriky {slovenka], aby vnucku videl, mozno posledny krat – a ona mu ju neukazala… Ten clovek sa zlomil. Warshak pise o detoch, ktory si nemozu vyriesit svoj vztah odcudzenosti s rodicmi, ci prarodicmi, predtym, nez prarodicia zomru… Ako to negativne potm ovplyvni ich vztah, ked zisita, o co prisli, a kto im v tom branil… Strasne. S tou zenou, co mi to napisala – sestra toho otca, co mu dceru odvliekli – si pisem dalej. Hovori mi dalsie veci o tom pribehu… Jej brat to vzdal. nemal sil na to, aby bojoval za svoju dceru, dostal sa z toho do nemocnice – a nema dost vnutornych sil… Nedivim sa mu. Nie je to lahke, vidim to kazdy den, tiez sa citim ako mi z toho vsetkeho rastu zaludocne vredy. Vlasy mi vypadali za poslednych par mesiacov o polovicu, sediny sa zvacsuju… Who cares? To nie je asi v tuto chvilu to najdolezitejsie… Nase deti su na tom spatne dusevne, ich protest je vzdor, nevedia sas sty mvysporiadat… Uz aj Robert Lewis, okrem opatrovnika deti, povedal Hanka, ako ich matke, ze potrebuju riadnu terapiu… Hanka sa jej vsak bude branit, a urobi vsetko pre to, aby ta terapia nebola taka, ako ma byt… Ta spravna terapia deti by totiz odhalila vsetko, co im urobila, cely jej sposob zavrehovania deti – lebo terapia musi pracovat s pricinou, najst ju, identifikovat, nemyslim s aapni terapeuti, psychologovia, opravte ma, ak to tak nie je… To by vsak Hanka v zdravi [dusevnom] neprezila, odhalilo by ju to pred spolocnostou, a tak stale kope okolo seba… Minule, namiesto deti, ktore zneuzivaju, ze nemusia so mnou telefonovat, to po X minutach mlcania, ked som bol na telefone len ja sam [deti nie, polozili telefon, a prijdu k nemu len na konci po desiatich minutach ho zavesit - to je ich najnovsia hra, ako ma mucia… musim prezit vsetko v klude, tka sa za tu dobu modlim, modlim, modlim…], zisitli, ze si to mozu dovolit, maminka ich neopravuje, nikto iny im to nepovie, ze sa to tak nerobi, ked spolu telefonujeme - tak to zodvihla polozeny teelofn Hanka, bolo to vo stvtok, 31. jula, a desat minut mi do telefonu spilala, a obvinovala ma za vsetko v minulosti, sucasnsoti, ze deti tyram, ze preco im nedam pokoj, neodidem, ze im klamem, ze na nu nadavam pred detmi, na jej snubenca laurenza, ze vraj robi detom spatne atd atd atd – a z e jej to povedali deti… [Nic take so mdetom nikd ynepovedl, to prisaham na zivoty nasich deti…] nedostal som sa ani k jednej vete, aby som sa mohol branit… zmohol som sa na jednu otazku, ci to, co jej hovoria deti, ci vsetkemu veri… So stopercentym presvedcenim tvrdila, ze “nase deti neklamu…” V tu chvilu som sa opat utvrdil, ze Hanka nema ani paru, co sa tu deje dnes, ze si vobec neuvedomila, ze nase deti su dnes uplne mimo, nech je uz dovod akykolvek – a ze potrebuju skutocne odbornu pomoc… Nase deti, bohuzial, klamu a podvadzaju, ako to bolo zase na tom minigolfe, tvrdia neracionalne veci – len aby oponovali skutocnosti. Je mi z toho spatne, pretoze si ani nechcem predstavit a domysliet, ako velmi to ovplyvni ich buduce zivoty – pokial sa to skoro nezmeni… V tom telefone, snziac s ami vysmiat, na mna desat minut hovorila nervozna zena, plna hnevu, nenavisiti, nevyrovnanosti… Ziadne racio v tom, co hovorila, so m nepostrehol, len snahu o konfrontaciu, boj, znicenie… Bolo mi jej luto. Pochopil som, ze cesta cez jej ludskost jednoducho neexistuje k detom, ze s tuym, comu veri, by som stale deti nikdy nevidel, nepocul… Nakoniec polozila. Bez toho, aby som mal moznost sa je aspon pozdravit. Nina ma znovu obvinila napriklad, ze som tie je obrazky, co mi malovala – zfalsoval –ze ich ona nikdy nenamalovala. Ani ze ma volala “Oco”, ani ze sme niekedy neico robili spolu dobre ci pekne, proste som u nej take iste zviera, ako ma vykresluje Hanka… Ich srdcia tepu rovnako dnes, Maminky I mojej dcery, I Adama. U Adama sa to lisi len aspon trochu racionalnostou, aj ked sa ju snazi potlacovat… na deti s anehnevasm, su dnes obetou – a bohuzial stale hrackou hanky v jej rukach, manipuluje ich, a aj ked im tisikrat nepovie nic zle proti mne – to, co z nej cita, co z nej vyzaruje, je jasnym signalom I pre nich, aby vedei, ako s amaju spravat ku mne, aby sa to maminke pacilo… Nina tym trpi viac, podla mna, je uz viac z toho psychicky mimo, ale jej “ja” nai podla mna, ale o tom nabuduce, pripomente mi slovo “Margie”, keby som sa k tomu nedostal. Nina “stvorila” dievcatko, kmaaaratku, vola ju “Margie”. Adam, ten to drzi viac v sebe, je viac uzavrety. Ako velmi sa trapi, to nie je vidiet na nom. Ale jeho chovanie je viac rezervovane. je to jeho povahou, je viac po Hanke, a ta viac po svojom otcovi, ktori s aprejavoval viac nepriamo, ako priamo, vo svojich slovah a cinoch. Nina je viac otvorena, v dobvorm I zlom teraz, viac po mne, nepovie len to, co nevie… “Strara mlada”, “dospele dieta”, dospelak, co mal byt este dlho dietatom, vzali sme je detstvo, vrhli ju do niecoho, comu nerozumie – no musi v tom zit, byt, dychat, placat sa – dokial ju z toho zase nevytiahneme von… Kto iny by to mal urobit, ak nie je rodicia? Preco to uz konecne neurobia? Cvo im v tom brani? Kto? Nie su to oni samy nakoniec?

To bolo v kocke, skor moje pocity, ako fakta, tie nabuduce, dnes na to nemam viac sil…

Vsetkym ludom dobrej vole – I tym ostatnym.

Juraj
ABQ
2. augusta 2003


PS: Dnes som mal vidiet deti zase. Stretnutie z rusene. Preco, a co sa deje, Vam poviem nabuduce, uz to nestiham ani pisat… Verim cez t ovsetko, ze pribeh mojich deti, sa obracia pomaly dobrym smerom, aj ked prakticky to nie je vidiet, ale ze sa tam skoro dostane, skoro, znamena aspon rok. Nevzdavam to.

PPS: Warshak prirovnava pocity zavrhnuteho rodica v poslednej kapitole svojej knizky k pocitom rodica, ktoremu zomrelo dieta. Hovori, ze su este zlozitejsie. Neviem, dieta mi fyzicky nezomrelo. Ale to, co prezivam ako zavrhnuty rodic, ked mi deti pred ocami “dusevne zomieraju” – aspon pre mna, ich otca - neprajem ani svojmu najvacsiemu nepriatelovi. Nie je nim ani Hanka. Je mi jej luto, a modlim sa za nu rovnako, ako za deti, aby s akonecne postavila na stranu nasich deti, ktori potrebuju otca a matku, ako clovek lavu a pravu nohu…

A NASEDUJE TEN PRIBEH, CO SOM VAM SLUBIL. TI, CO SU NA SLOVENKU, BUDU O NOM VEDIET Z TELEVIZIE ASI BVIAC...



---------- Original Message ----------------------------------
From: XXXXX@aol.com
Date: Tue, 29 Jul 2003 17:37:48 EDT

Dear Juraj--

Perhaps this will be encouraging to you, and perhaps it will not be. I believe that you are very lucky that you at least can see your children. You are much further along than I am in that respect.

My niece, Emily, was kidnapped by her mother, Eva HHHHHHHH, from the United States to Bratislava, Slovakia, 5 years ago. Because Eva is a Slovak citizen and Slovakia was not in the Hague at the time and had no extradition treaties with the U.S., Eva could not be arrested nor extradited to the U.S. for trial, even though we had an international arrest warrant on her head. So, Emily remains in Slovakia and the United States government could not do "anything" to get her out of there. My brother himself tried to get Emily out of Bratislava, but the attempt failed and the situation was broadcast all over Slovak television and newspapers. He was criticized by the Slovak people because they told him that only the "mother" has the right to have the child--not the father. They told him that in Slovakia, the mother has all the rights, not the father. This is why Eva ran away to Slovakia, because she knew that there she would have all the rights to Emily and my brother would have no rights at all. In the meantime, Eva had gotten Slovak citizenship for Emily because she lied that she did not know where Emily's father was. My brother was able to have the Slovak Supreme Court remove Emily's Slovak citizenship because of Eva's lie, and now Emily only has her United Stated citizenship. That was the only successful thing that my brother was able to do. When my brother was in Slovakia, he had received "death threats" from Eva's family. They are well connected with the church as one of the family members works for the Bishop in Trnava. The Slovak police were following him also, and he was fearful for his life when he was in Bratislava. He finally had to leave because he thought he would be killed there.

I go there every year, and I too am fearful when I go there. Last year, I met with my sister-in-law and asked her if I could see Emily. She told me that Emily hates me and my family and does not want to see me. My sister-in-law was so hateful and insulting toward me. I have asked her for pictures of Emily for Emily's grandparents (who are old and sick) and she refused. My parents have given money gifts to Emily, and those gifts have been refused because Eva says that Emily hates her grandparents and wants nothing to do with them. Last year, my 81 year old father came with me to Bratislava and he wanted to see his granddaughter. Eva would not permit it, and she gave the reason that Emily hates her grandfather and does not want to see him. He was heart broken, and because of his age, he will never be able to travel to Bratislava again, and it is very likely that he will never see his granddaughter in his life again.

When I was in Bratislava this year, I could only watch Emily from a distance so that I would not be seen. I could not talk to her or hug her. I saw her only for a few seconds, and I had to be satisfied with this.

So, you may not think you are lucky but you are, because at least you can see your children and talk to them. They may act hatefully toward you, but at least you can see them, and that means everything. You are lucky. I wish I could talk to Emily, if only for 5 minutes, but I am not allowed to, and I know that I won't be able to talk to her until she is 18 years of age. I must wait 10 more years.

My brother is afraid to go to Slovakia because he is afraid that he will be killed there. He has not much of a chance to win in the Slovak courts because he is a father and all rights go to the mother. His ex-wife has made up all kinds of lies that he is a child molester. He must wait until his daughter is 18 years old until he can approach her, and then she will probably hate him so much because of the poison that his ex-wife has put into her head about him, that he will have a very difficult time convincing Emily of the truth.

So, my friend, you have it hard, but yet, in some ways, you have it easier then some people. Keep trying. At least you can see your children. That means everything. Don't give up. Please write to me if you like.

Andrea XXXXX

---------- Original Message ----------------------------------
From: XXXXXX@aol.com
Date: Tue, 29 Jul 2003 19:24:23 EDT

Yes, Juraj, hold on to those good moments with your children. Let those "good" moments be what motivates you to keep going forward. When Eva tells me that Emily hates me, I think of all the good moments that I had with my niece Emily, all the times that she smiled at me, all the times that she said to me, "I love you Cioci", then I know in my heart that Emily does not hate me because she has no reason to hate me. I block out Eva's hatred from my mind and I think of Emily's innocent love, and this is what I remember and this is what I concentrate on. I know that Eva is a very unhappy, miserable woman, and she has made a prison for herself in Bratislava. She cannot return to the United States because she will go to jail. She cannot leave Slovakia because she will be arrested because of the international arrest warrant. So, she has made herself into a prisoner, and I know she is living there in a constant state of paranoia and misery. Eva left a big family here in the U.S., and now she can never see them again. I know she is very unhappy, but she did it to herself.

I'm sure that your wife is not a happy person running away from her life, causing misery for everyone. She is miserable too. She will not be happy either. You cannot be a happy person when you destroy someone else's life. Your children may hate you now, but perhaps someday it may turn around and it may be her they hate for destroying their lives. God always bring justice where justice is required. Put your faith in God and let him lead you. Put your head in the breast of the Blessed Mother, and let her soothe your tiredness. Pray the rosary as often as you can. It will give you strength. Please write to me any time you want to or need to. I will always write back and try to make you feel better.

Andrea